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Talk:Charlotte von Mahlsdorf

From Women in European History

Reviewer: Taylor Thompson

THESIS

1. The evidence shows that Mahlsdorf had an impact on views of femininity and sexuality in Germany during the Third Reich. It would be helpful if that is explicitly stated at one point. Perhaps, before beginning the biography, an intro paragraph could be added to discuss the Mahlsdorf’s historical significance or what her story reveals to us about history.

2. See comment above. If that is done, Mahlsdorf’s historical significance will be clearer.

3. Yes, beginning the article with the fact that Mahlsdorf was born a male leads me to question why she chose to change her gender and how this relates to women’s and European history.

ORGANIZATION

4. The biography was well organized. It followed the chronological order of events in Mahlsdorf’s life, while continually touching on the underlying themes of femininity and historical effect of the Third Reich throughout. Perhaps breaking the overall essay up with headings will keep the readers eye more focused than a large block of text. Even just creating headings to indicate different periods of her life would be helpful.

5. The material followed clear chronological order with the connecting theme of femininity throughout.

6. The essay does a good job of showing how Mahlsdorf challenged ideas of femininity in the Third Reich, this just needs to be explicitly stated at the beginning.

CITATIONS AND EVIDENCE

7. Footnotes/references can be editing using the format indicated on this page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Help:Citations_quick_reference

8. Documents included in the annotated bibliography (or otherwise) were not directly cited; however, some footnotes were included to offer explanations. It would help, if some of the major or more significant facts were cited in the text.

GRAMMAR AND STYLE

9. Be consistent with pronouns. In a few locations, the pronouns he/his, etc. and her/hers, etc. are both used in the same sentence to refer to Mahlsdorf. Although they can very within the paragraph, things get a bit confusing when others are in the sentence as well (such as the mother and father). (Ex. middle of paragraph 4)

10. In paragraph 3, it would be helpful to clearly establish Max Berfelde as Charlotte's father, rather than "a man of ill demeanor." I was initially under the impression that he was her mother's step-father or boyfriend, father than Charlotte's own father.

11. Each paragraph has a topic sentence that effectively introduces the subject and relationship to the thesis.

CONTENT

12. The writing indicates that the author covered all of the appropriate material and sources, however, footnotes would serve as good evidence of that.

13. Thought was definitely put into the paper. The author ties Mahsldorf’s life into major issues such as femininity, social status, and gender in Nazi Germany.

SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS

1. Write an introparagraph with a direct thesis statement showing why Mahlsdorf is important to our understanding of women’s and European history.

2. Properly format notes/references.

3. Break up blocks of text with headings.

The author chronicled Mahlsdorf's life and connected it to larger themes that we have discussed in the course very well.


Reviewer: Denver Barrows

THESIS

-There isnt really an explicit thesis/argument in the beginning. It is rather obvious that the critical biography will talk about the struggles of her gender identity, but I would work to make this more clear somewhere in the beginning of the bio.

-By doing this you will ensure that your argument makes her a significant figure in European history

-The discussion of her gender identity is a very compelling topic that is explained well throughout the critical bio


ORGANIZATION

-headings would be helpful

-If the bio had specific sections it would make a lot of the information more easy to follow

-Overall though, it is easy to follow

-If a thesis is explicitly stated I would imagine that the bio would support it very well


CITATIONS

-There were some parts of the bio that needed to be cited so I would go back and just look at any information or ideas that were not original and cite them

-All evidence was used well and appeared very relevant to your points, ideas, and information

-Need to maintain the Chicago style for citing

GRAMMAR

-sometimes the switching of he/she is a little confusing

-try to make the use of the pronouns consistent

-the corrections not pertaining to the pronouns were made on the wiki

-good topic sentences....they help the flow of the paragraphs and give a great overview of what well be covered in the paragraph


CONTENT

-I would try to make the connection with her gender identity and the struggle to maintain the museum more clear in the parts of the bio near the end.

-I think it would be good to talk more about her struggle with her gender identity and the impacts that may have had on her view of femininity


OTHER

-need a clear thesis (possibly could be done with an introductory paragraph that briefly covers her life)

-overall a very well done bio and very interesting

-section titles would help with organization

-good analysis

-chicago style

Professors Notes on the Bibliography

THIS IS A GOOD LIST OF SOURCES, AND YOU'VE SUMMARIZED THEM WELL. FROM WHAT YOU HAVE HERE, I WOULD ANTICIPATE THAT YOU WOULD WRITE YOUR BIO ON HOMOSEXUALITY AND GENDER. FROM THIS, IT'S NOT REALLY CLEAR HOW WOMEN FIT INTO IT. IS VON MAHLSDORF A LESBIAN? OR AN OBSERVER? IF THE FORMER, YOU MIGHT WANT TO INCLUDE AN ARTICLE ON LESBIANISM IN THE HOLOCAUST. ONE OF YOUR PEERS WHO ALSO HAS AN ENTRY UNDER 'WOMEN AND WAR' CITED AN ARTICLE ON THIS.

Retrieved from "http://womenineuropeanhistory.org/index.php?title=Talk:Charlotte_von_Mahlsdorf"

This page has been accessed 3,968 times. This page was last modified on 14 May 2010, at 14:42.


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