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Talk:Emmeline Pankhurst

From Women in European History

Contents

Joe's Review

Introduction

The introduction is concise, but perhaps a bit too concise. It would be helpful to have a little more background information about her as a person. The last sentence of the introduction is somewhat unclear -- Julie writes that "her scope was bigger." But what "scope?" Scope of thought, of action, of both?

Formatting

Formatting of sections could be improved by using the MediaWiki header notation, which automagically creates a table of contents at the top of the article. To create top-level sections, enclose the section title in equal signs like so:
=The Militancy: The Woman's Revolution=
Additionally, section headers should be placed on a separate line.


Footnotes should be used instead of inline citations, even when referring to the main text. A general guide to MediaWiki footnote notation can be found here, in Wikipedia's guide to footnotes.

Body

Though the body of the paper does address Pankhurst's approach to woman's rights in general, and not just woman's suffrage, it does not address human rights in general as promised in the introduction. The body of the paper is coherent, but the thesis should probably be modified.


Section titles could be more descriptive. For instance, the section titled "Suffrage Movement" might more rightly be titled "Beginnings of the Suffrage Movement." Transitions are minimal, but sections are rarely longer than 2-3 paragraphs so they are less necessary than they might otherwise be. Still, a greater sense of flow would be helpful.

Conclusion

There is no real conclusion. A conclusion that relates the paragraphs of the paper back to the introduction would be helpful, indicating how Pankhurst's though and action went beyond woman's suffrage to human rights in general.

Aaron's Review

• What is the main argument made in the text? Is it sustained through the whole paper?

That by reading about Pankhurst we can also learn about the women's rights movement. This is sustained.

Introduction •Is the Introduction effective? Concise? Interesting? Could be made more concise. Some of the arguments developed there would work better in the body. •Does the introduction give the reader a sense of the essay's objective and entice the reader to read on? Yes. •Is there a clear thesis statement that defines the scope of the paper? Yes, the sentence "Through Pankhurst’s life, one can not only learn about the evolution of women’s suffrage movement in Britain, but also the growth of women’s power and rights over time."

•Does the thesis statement make an original argument?

Yes, looking at women's rights and using Pankhurst as a lens is potentially interesting.

Body •Does the body of the paper meet the objective stated in the introduction?

It details many events that are associated with the stated goal. However, there really needs to be more critical analysis. Go beyond describing the event and provide some narrative as to why Pankhurst did what she did and more importantly what this says about her. This is done to some extent but it would be nice if it were developed further.

•Does it stay focused on this objective or are there places it strays?

No, it is well focused. Could in fact be broadened.

•Is it organized logically?

Yes chronological is a good structure for this paper.

•Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence?

Not super critical. Section headers provide a good roadmap for readers.

•Is each paragraph focused on a single idea?

Yes

•Is each idea thoroughly explained and supported with good evidence?

Yes great citations.

•Are there transitions and are they effective?

Could transition more effectively between the sections but not critical to comprehension.

Conclusion •Is there a conclusion? Is it focused on the main point of the paper? Does it add to our understanding of the topic?

Not yet. This is the biggest weakness. The conclusion will be a great point for really analyzing Pankhurst's legacy. The reader will have all the relevant facts so perhaps by thinking about her life you could come to some conclusion about what type of person she is.


General Organization • As a reader, can you easily follow the writer's flow of ideas? Identify where you can’t follow ideas. Also identify where you think ideas are particularly original or explained particularly well.

The narrative is clear throughout (except the last few paragraphs which are still under construction).

• At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? Note where on the essay.

The essay overall needs to be tied back to the thesis more often so the reader doesn't forget what you are trying to say. At points it feels like just an exposition of her life whereas you should be trying to show something about her that supports your thesis.

• Do any of the ideas/paragraphs seem out of order, too early or too late to be as effective as they could?

No fine.

Development and Support • Is each main point/idea made by the writer clearly developed and explained? Note any particularly interesting or original ideas on the paper.

Needs work as explained before.

• Is the support/evidence for each point/idea persuasive and appropriate? Note particularly strong evidence or where more evidence is needed.

Very well evidenced paper. This is excellent, great quote selection.

• Is the connection between the support/evidence, main point/idea, and the overall point of the essay made clear?

No, could use more structure aimed at advancing the overall argument.

• Is all evidence adequately cited?

Needs citations

Style • Are the topic and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?

Yes

• Are the sentences and word choices varied?

Yes

Grammar and Mechanics • Does the writer use proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling? • Are there any issues with any of these elements that make the writing unreadable or confusing? Formatting

Joe already gave good advice in this regard.

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This page has been accessed 5,240 times. This page was last modified on 16 May 2010, at 20:07.


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