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Talk:Helene Hanff

From Women in European History

It appears that the main argument of the essay is that Halene Hanff's unusual choice of attempting to enter a male dominated career catapulted her into the rising tide of feminism and the struggle for equality. The intro section seems pretty good although the opening sentence is rather weak ; perhaps a stronger sentence would grab the reader more. The second part of the intro could also perhaps be combined to create a one stronger paragraph as it makes it seem as if you have two thesis statements (or that you are just rephrasing your original thoughts). However, overall, it seems like a good beginning.

When referring to Hanff's life as a story, perhaps present tense should be used (see wiki for suggestions) because you are making an argument that her history is still relevant today to our current understanding of this time period.

Use of topic sentences start out extremely strong but fade out near the end of the essay. Make sure to stick on point and pay attention to how you begin each thought. There are a few awkwardly created sentences or word choices. I have put a star after specific sentences I felt needed to be revised or typed in a suggestion in parenthesis. The flow of ideas is pretty easy to follow and keeps me interested. There is a clear attempt to tie each paragraph back to the thesis with the ending lines of many of them. However, it might be better to sprinkle those thoughts among the biographical information? There is a bit too much new information included in the conclusion but I enjoyed the way you summed up your points. Perhaps the last line should include a citation? Overall, very well done! (KATE)

Make clearer how this relates to European History-- JLP

Peer Review - Frank Cheng

The thesis seems to be that Helene Hanff was successful with her life, and that she was important. I would like to know exactly why this happened and how it is significant. I believe trying to find some kind of external factor that played out through the Helene filter would make the biography seem more relevant. The introduction makes clear that Helene was successful, and that there is some kind of feminine handicap that was overcome. Expanding on what particularly was overcome and how these obstacles affected overall society would be a good expansion point.

The paper proceeds to give out a list of experiences, filtered by significance to Helen’s own life. I would like to see more critical analysis, but the author is constrained by length. Some events do seem trivial or duplicate. I would like to see more pointed presentation of events.

I would especially like to see more analysis of how Helene Hanff’s success pertained to the gender roles of the time. Feminist activists are mentioned several times, but I don’t know much about them other than they were independent like Helene. This is perhaps an idea for the additional materials section. In general, I feel that more analysis and less presentation of events is good.

The writing style is easy to read and presents data consistently. There are some minor grammar and stylistic miscues, but they do not affect data transfer significantly.

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This page has been accessed 3,290 times. This page was last modified on 19 May 2010, at 09:15.


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