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Talk:Margaret Thatcher

From Women in European History

Contents

Joe's Review

Introduction

The introduction provides a good background for the paper, and has a clearly defined thesis -- that Thatcher wanted to bring the UK back to the position of world power she believed it deserved.

Body

The section "Early Economic Policy" would benefit from a direct link back to the thesis. This is not difficult since it's already implied -- adding a single phrase about Britain's former economic dominance would suffice.

The section on the Falklands war relates directly to the thesis. Kudos.

The section "The Economy and Labour" is not really linked to the thesis as it stands. What did she believe Britain had to regain by tempering the power of unions?

Transitions within sections exist, and writing at the sentence level is generally very clear.

Some sections appear to be incomplete.

Formatting

Formatting is generally very good, with proper use of section titles and references. However, though the reference numbers appear throughout the article, a list of the references themselves is not shown at the end! To generate this list, add the <reference /> tag where you want the list to be shown.


Additionally, longer quotes (block quotes) should be presented using the
 <blockquote>
tag, instead of just being italicized paragraphs.

Conclusion

Currently, the conclusion consists of a long quote from Thatcher which does give a great summary and insight into her thoughts on her career, and women in politics in general. But some comment from the article's author would be helpful. Also, great as the quote is, it bears absolutely no relation to the paper's thesis—which concerned bringing the UK back to a position of world power.

==================================================

Author: Aaron Plavnick_______ Reviewer: Ah Rume (Julie) Park


THESIS 1. Did the thesis statement make a strong argument? How could it be strengthened further?

The introduction/thesis was very good. However, while incorporation of quotations can be helpful in conveying main ideas, they seemed to be too long and numerous. Minimizing the use of quotations in the introduction and using it in the body paragraphs may be more helpful in making the thesis clear and strong.

2. Did the thesis pass the ‘so what’ test? Explain how the thesis justifies discussion of the topic, or give suggestions as to how it could further justify discussion.

Incorporating why reading about Thatcher’s life can enhance our understanding of (women’s) history might make the biography more interesting. Also, what do her achievements suggest about her (and potential for other women)?

3. After reading the thesis, do you want to know ‘how’ or ‘why?’ If so, how could the author restructure the thesis to answer these questions?

The thesis conveys very well Thatcher’s contribution to the growth of UK and that she was a woman of great leadership, so I want to read more about not only what she has done but also about her thoughts and motifs.

ORGANIZATION 4. Were the basic sections (Introduction, Conclusion, Works Cited, etc.) adequate? If not, what is missing?

All basic sections are present. However, a section (third term/Cold War) is yet to be worked on in the body. Also, secondary sources should be listed.

5. Was the material ordered in a way that was logical, clear, easy to follow? Explain, and offer suggestions.

The material was ordered in chronological order, focusing on events that were central during the time period. Because there is a lot of material and events to be covered in Thatcher’s life, organizing the biography in such way seems effective.

6. Does the essay support the thesis specifically and without wandering? Explain.

The essay Thatcher’s indeed describes what was said in the thesis: “Thatcher’s legacy is not best characterized by her femininity or her gender because she so rarely gave mind to the unique position of being a woman.” Although each section addresses Thatcher’s determination towards improving policies, her opinion about gender roles is only hinted in the quotation in conclusion. Incorporate more in the body paragraphs?

CITATIONS AND EVIDENCE 4. Did the writer cite sources adequately and appropriately? On the paper, note any incorrect formatting or places where citations are needed.

The citations, when clicked, do not seem to be linked to a source.

5. Was the evidence relevant? Did it support the argument sufficiently? Was any evidence that could strengthen the argument left out? What? On the paper, note any evidence that is particularly useful, or places where more evidence is needed.

The evidence was relevant to the topics discussed. However, instead of being incorporated into sentences, they seem to be a bit lengthy and lack further analysis.

GRAMMAR AND STYLE 6. Were there any grammatical or spelling problems? If so, correct them on the author’s paper.

7. Was the writer’s writing style clear? Were the paragraphs and sentences cohesive? What suggestions do you have for further clarifying or focusing each paragraph? Note any places where the writing is unclear on the paper.

The writing style is clear. Sentence structure and lengths are varied, which is good.

8. Does each paragraph have a topic sentence that both indicates the subject of the paragraph and ties it to the thesis? How could topic sentences be strengthened? Make specific suggestions on the paper.

Each paragraph has topic sentences (first 2-3 sentences) that explain the main idea of the paragraph. They can be strengthened by adding/moving ideas that are at the end of the paragraph, which seem to be more in depth and direct.

CONTENT 8. Did the writer adequately answer the question? Explain.

The writer adequately covered Thatcher’s life by covering her early life as well as major events in her political involvement. However, her roles and thoughts as a woman, instead of only describing what she did, might make the biography more comprehensive and interesting.

9. Did the writer comprehensively cover appropriate material and all the appropriate sources? If no, what's missing?

Information from the primary source was covered very well, but secondary sources that might strengthen points from the primary source are missing.

10. Did the writer make some contribution of thought to the paper, or merely summarize documents? Explain.

While there was certainly contribution of thought to the paper, some sections that describe early life and policies seemed to focus more on facts rather than analysis.


SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS What three specific suggestions would you make to the author of this paper? 1. Incorporate information from secondary sources into your analysis of the primary source 2. Put more analysis on quotations and factual information

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This page has been accessed 4,606 times. This page was last modified on 15 May 2010, at 21:59.


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