From Women in European History
Peer Review - Taylor Thompson:
1. The evidence shows that Buber-Neumann’s experience in both German and Soviet concentration camps fundamentally changed her outlook on communism, and her experience at the camps showed how even in the midst of such dire circumstances social status still remained a decisive factor in interactions among the prisoners. Perhaps, if this is summarized or offered as a conclusion explicitly in the text, it would make it easier to identify its central thesis.
2. See comment above.
3. Reading about Buber-Neumann’s active participation in communism early on in her life leads me to question what role she takes in the war and how it affects her. The thesis addresses the historical significance of Buber-Neumann’s experiences in the concentration camps and what it reveals to us about women’s and European history on a larger scale.
4. The biography was well organized. It followed the chronological order of events in Buber-Neumann’s life and integrated the themes of gender/women’s roles and social status we’ve discussed in the course very well.
5. The material followed clear chronological order with the connecting themes of gender/women’s roles and social status within the concentration camps.
6. The author does a good job of showing how Buber-Neumann’s view of communism changed overtime and what issues her experiences in the concentration camps raised. The essay supports the thesis well.
CITATIONS AND EVIDENCE
7. Yes, perhaps more footnotes are needed. (I’m not entirely certain whether you need more or not, but I tend to err on the side of having too many than too few.)
8. Evidence from Buber-Neuman’s life experiences supported the thesis well and were used effectively.
GRAMMAR AND STYLE 9. Just spell check the first four paragraphs for typos/double pronouns (“his her”)
10. The author’s writing style is very clear and cohesive.
11. Each paragraph has a topic sentence that effectively introduces the subject and relationship to the thesis well. CONTENT
12. The writing indicates that the author covered all of the appropriate material and sources, however, again, maybe more footnotes are needed.
13. Thought was definitely put into the paper. The author ties Buber-Neumann’s life into major issues such as gender roles, social status, and women in Nazi Germany and under Stalin.
1. Write an intro or concluding paragraph with a direct thesis statement showing why Buber-Neumann is important to our understanding of women’s and European history.
2. Add more footnotes.
3. Proof-read again for typos (only a few).
1. All seems to be pretty upstanding in these areas. Your biography has clear order and structure. Your tone and style of writing is appropriate for a wiki. Your structure your sentences and paragraphs very well. You do a excellent job at saying what you mean in a clear direct manner.
1. While your overall writing is very clear, I feel as though your theme is more implicit. Be sure to blatantly state the over-arching theme of your writing.
2. One way to do this is possibly to take the overall message of the book, or the major goals of Buber-Neumann's life, and relate these things to all of her experiences. You state how the memoir aims to detail the differences with the Communist and Nazi regimes. Perhaps you can analyze some of the differences Buber-Neumann finds and draw forth a solid theme from this observations.
1. I will not make statements on your footnotes, because I am a bit uncertain about them myself.
-I honestly think your wiki looks great in the major components. It is easy to read and your information is clearly stated. I do believe however that you make a lot of implicit statements about the connection between the facts about Buber-Neumann's life and what they suggest about history at large. For this project it is important that these things be explicit. Since your wiki is so well written I would suggest that you edit not heavily for grammar, but more so for analytical evidence and clarity of thematic statements.