Women in European HistoryMain Page | About | Help | FAQ | Special pages | Log in

Printable version | Disclaimers | Privacy policy

Talk:Sarah Bernhardt

From Women in European History

Peer Review - Hannah

Thesis

1. Yes, there is a strong, identifiable thesis. The thesis wants to show how women were allowed more actions/freedom in the 19th C, through the actress Sarah Bernhardt's experience.

2. Yes, it passed the test. It is interesting to know that you decided that there were changes in women's image/status in 19th C. I believe it would make your introduction even better if you give us a hint on what kind of changes you are looking into.

3. The thesis looks good already!!

Organization

4. The organization is clear. It took the form of chronological order, with analysis too. It is good to keep it this way.

5. Yes. Some background information of 19th C, and French theatre is explained before moving on to discussing Bernhardt. This helped clearing up a lot of doubts for someone like me who doesn't have extensive knowledge about the person/period.

6. I think so. Each paragraph/section always goes back to the thesis.

Citations and Evidence

7. There are no footnotes yet (when I read it). I saw there are markings next to quotations; it looks like you know where/what you have to cite. You have got the right format for the annotated bibliography. I am sure you will do fine for the footnotes too.

8. Yes, I think the evidence are relevant. Both primary and secondary sources contribute to bringing out Bernhardt's experience, and how her life spoke for other women in 19th C too.

Grammar and Style

9. There are no huge errors in grammar and spelling.

10. I think occasionally there are some sentences that are not as clear. In general, I find the paragraphs and sentences put together cohesively, and the focus of each paragraph is very clear to me too.

11. Yes, there are topic sentences in all of the paragraphs. They are also very precise in summarizing the focus of each paragraph!

Content

12. Yes, I believe so. The essay covers background information on 19th C, French theatre, Bernhardt's childhood, education and celebrity. On the whole, I think this is sufficient. It'd be even better if you can include something about her adult life as an actress too.

13. Yes, I think contributions the writer made is the best part of the essay. I think the analysis is good as it is now, may be a little bit more elaboration, particularly on the changes women experienced. I still find it a bit ambiguous...

Specific Suggestions

1. Add the footnotes!

2. Include a part of her adult life, and link it to how it shows there were changes in women in 19th C.

3. Introduction can include some examples on how women's lives changed too.

Overall, I think this is a very good piece of analysis!!


Peer Review (Kate)

The thesis appears strong with much to analyze: the connection between theater and the changing French mores, how Sara Bernhardt exemplifies this relationship. The intro is well written, and I like that it is organized both chronologically and analytically.

I have placed (*) at the end of sentences that I felt needed to be revised due to word choice or awkward structure. There were also a few times that I felt you should have been writing in past tense. Throughout the paper I was caught off guard by the use of "we". I do not know if it is acceptable, however, I may certainly be mistaken. You did a very consistent job of attempting to start each paragraph with a topic sentence that covers the main point of that paragraph, good job!

I like the style of your writing though be careful of overusing words in close proximity such as positive feedback loop. Don't forget to add citations eventually. You seemed to do a very nice job of choosing quotes.

My main complaint deals with the end of the essay. I feel as if the entirety of the thesis was not ever really discussed. You were doing an excellent job of showing how Sarah's life circumstances effected her later career. However, you need to do a stronger job tying her life to French society and how the two changed together. There wasn't really any conclusion, and I felt as if the paper just ended halfway through. I think that it would be completely acceptable to go over word limit in order to a have a stronger more complete paper and analysis. Over all, very good start!

Retrieved from "http://womenineuropeanhistory.org/index.php?title=Talk:Sarah_Bernhardt"

This page has been accessed 2,587 times. This page was last modified on 17 May 2010, at 15:33.


Find

Browse
Main Page
Community portal
Current events
Recent changes
Random page
Help
Edit
View source
Editing help
This page
View content page
New section
Printable version
Context
Page history
What links here
Related changes
My pages
Log in / create account
Special pages
New pages
<imagelist>
Statistics
More...